Letter Twelve

Dear Vera -


We've passed the one year mark. ONE YEAR!!! 
And oh what a year it has been. These past 12 months have been the darkest and the most painful I've had to endure, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet through it all, He has been with me.


I couldn't help go over the details of every high and every low. The lows have been my lowest, but the mountain tops; well, they have been the highest I have expereinced. 


I remember sitting in church a few weeks ago, thinking of Sister #2. I never really understood what all her journey meant, until the day that mine started. The longer I have walked this road, the more I have learned and the more that I have understood. A few twists and turns and I walk on. 


My journey isn't ended... I've turned a corner and started down a new road. 

Letter Eleven

Happy 11 Months dearest! 
If only there were enough words that could adequately express the full impact of my journey. If only I could remember all of the moments at which God stepped in and did the miraculous. So, let me remember the ones that walked the long harrowing path right alongside me. 
Sisters: 
All 5 of them - C, K, T, AE & AM 
To the original 3: Sisters by blood, but friends by choice. You were the ones that drove the miles to and from MBMC. You were the ones that climbed on the hospital bed and cried right along side me. You were the ones that held the pieces together, while I was falling apart. 'Thank you' seems so cheesy in this moment... but that's all I know to say. Thank you. You hold my heart; all three of you. 
To the additional 2: You two crossed the lines of friendship and joined the family, knowing how crazy we are. You were the home away from and the ones that stayed weekends on the couch, because of this thing we call 'The Sisterhood'. All my love. 
Parents: 
I know you both felt guilty that you could not be with me during the majority of this. Listen to me when I tell you that you have no reason to. You were there when it mattered most. You taught the four of us to rely on God and rely on each other... and we did. You were doing what you were called to do, and that matters oh so much more. I knew there was a nation awaiting your arrival, so how could I be selfish and demand your presence? I knew then, and know even still, you both are doing the right thing. Follow your heart; but most of all, follow HIS heart. 
Doctors: 
MD, SO, JB, JS
The world is a better place because of the four of you. I can't help but believe that God allowed our paths to cross years before, in preparation for  that specific day in September 2010. So here's to a team of compassionate, caring and competent doctors that believe in 'a healing Power'. 
To the countless others:
You were the ones that prayed not only for myself, but for my family. For that, I am truly thankful. 
May you celebrate the victories, remember the heartache, and rejoice in your healing. 

My Renewal: A Journey To Faith

The past several months have been a long and harrowing journey, but God has been faithful. Last September I was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. Because of my illness, I have been on monthly injections as part of my treatment. These injections are very expensive, and even with my fabulous insurance from my job, (Thank You, Lord for Starbucks!) they are about $300 each.

         Two months ago, I made a call to my doctor’s office a few days before my appointment, to confirm that they had received my injections. To my dismay, they informed me that the pharmacy would not be releasing my treatment due to an outstanding bill. I called my parents and told them what was going on and that I had no clue what I was going to do.

     My body was starting to respond negatively to the lack of treatment. My ‘ever wise’ Father informed me “You need to pray!” Of course! I was praying, but was happy that he and my Mom began interceding on my behalf. I spent multiple nights worrying about this, trying to figure out a way that I could get my medication on time.

     A week passed and still no answer.

     The day for my treatment was quickly approaching, and yet there I was, standing at the crossroads of desperation and faith. My feelings were leaning towards desperation but my heart was tugging me towards faith. Phrases like 'Be anxious for nothing...' and, 'They that wait upon the Lord' kept fluttering through my mind like a song stuck on repeat.

     Dad called me on Thursday night and asked what I was going to do. My response was short and to the point as I replied, “Dad, I don't know. All I know is that I need a miracle. And I need it NOW.”

     My nights were filled with sleepless concern, but my heart was still whispering “Just wait on God. Keep believing.” Then, on Friday before my appointment the doctor's office called me at work. “Kandra, the pharmacy has released your medication. We have it here at the office, so we're good to go for Monday. See you then!” With tears flowing I had a ‘Jesus moment’ there in the break room of my store. I didn't know why the pharmacy had released the medication, nor did I care. What I did know was that God had come through right on time!

     A few weeks later I had called my Mom. She told me something very startling that I shall not soon forget. As they were deputizing on the West Coast they were visiting some friends and the conversation eventually turned towards my sisters and I. This friend began to share an incredible story. It seems she was at work one day and over-heard a conversation about a girl in St. Louis, named Kandra that was extremely sick and needed some medication. Here is a snippet from that experience.

     “I heard my co-worker and my supervisor talking about your account and heard your name. I immediately put two and two together and knew they were talking about the Kandra I knew! I typed your name into the system and there you were! I went to my supervisor and told her that I knew you…that you had been very sick…that you had been in and out of the hospital for several months. I explained that you are the daughter of missionaries, and I was sure you had medical bills coming out of your ears, due to the hospital stays. I was able to tell her that if you didn't get your meds you would probably end up back in the hospital. The end result was she went to her manager and got approval to release the medication order.”

     This was a perfect reminder that this battle isn't mine alone. God is fighting this for me. My healing may not have been instantaneous; but healing has come, just the same. He has given me strength to look beyond my own situation and see His hand at work in and through the lives of others around me.

     Up until a few months ago, I had not been able to see past the pain, the days of bed rest, the nights spent in the hospital, the countless drugs, and the monthly injections. Had it not been for these past months of my own struggles, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to witness and befriend a co-worker of mine. I wouldn't have the privilege of teaching a Bible study to one of the new converts in the youth group. What once was thought the greatest trial is now viewed as one of my greatest testimonies. Now I see a bigger picture…one involving the weaving of people's lives, of paths crossing, and so- called unexplainable events happening in the lives of those around me. These moments are more than just coincidence; they are the product of the Master's plan. A piece of seemingly random artwork has become something beautiful. What once was viewed as ugliness is now seen as beautiful testimonies of God’s greatness.

     No, the past few months have not gone according to my plans...but I have been reminded that Isaiah 40:31 is absolutely correct: “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”